My Heart Broke Loose On The Wind
by Sybella
Summary: Blair Waldorf is made for secret places. Blair/Dan, minor Nate/Vanessa, Rufus/Lily- Title from Neruda. Reviews appreciated if you'd like me to continue.
1. Prologue

Author: Sybella

Title: My Heart Broke Lose On the Wind

Character/Pairings: Blair/Dan, Blair/Nate, Nate/Vanessa, Rufus/Lily

Summary: Blair Waldorf thrives best in secret places.

Disclaimer: All the characters are the property of the CW and Cecily. This is merely my own wild imagination.

**Prologue**

**My Heart Broke Loose On The Wind.**

* * *

As a child, Blair Waldorf liked chocolate.

Slightly melted from having spent an hour in her pinafore but warm, gooey and delightful in her mouth- melting. She liked the melting because it felt like the world was filling her mouth, flooding her senses and she couldn't possibly bear to be any happier than she already was.

Her father would sneak her bars- every kind, every color but he gave a warning from with each bar- eat it but don't tell your mother. How kind, how wrong, how delicious.

Blair Waldorf thrives best in secret places.

Chuck figures this out, age seventeen. Fucking her slowly in the back of the limo, closets and wardrobes and cloak rooms at midnight.

It doesn't last long and when he ends he leers and leers again.

Just like that- that's all it is. Her virginity for the price of a cheap thrill and she feels more than used because her own autonomy betrayed her.

So this time, she kisses Nate. Kissing him amidst snow and ducks and Dorota.

So this time, when he tries to pull away she kisses him hard.

This time- she's determined to get it right.

* * *

I would love reviews- they encourage me more than anything.


	2. Pair of Heels

Author: Sybella

Title: My Heart Broke Lose On the Wind

Character/Pairings: Blair/Dan, Blair/Nate, Nate/Vanessa, Rufus/Lily

Summary: Blair Waldorf thrives best in secret places.

Disclaimer: All the characters are the property of the CW and Cecily. This is merely my own wild imagination.

**Pair of Heels**

**My Heart Broke Loose On The Wind.**

Blair Waldorf thrives best in secret places- she is not made for the spotlight.

That's Serena's home- Serena with her ever burning halo of gold, shining into Brooklyn and out of it, shining into bars and clubs and rehab and every damn place on the planet but that halo survives it all- survives the darkest thing she could ever do.

She survives and she lives because she's Serena fucking van der Woodsen and that's something Blair Waldorf will never be.

So, yeah- she settles.

She settles for Nate's kisses and not his attention- his love but not his heart. She takes what she can get because not all of us can afford the luxury of choice (and Chuck is no longer an option).

She takes Nate Archibald because she loves him.

Always has, always will and she prays to hell that it's enough.

***

He takes long slow sip of his coffee- nothing tastes better than coffee in the morning. All hot and dark and arousing.

He needs it, too. Dan's always been one for late nights, no parties, perhaps but long hours of writing. Paper scratching against pen as his head tries to make words and he's never been less inspired in his life.

At one time it was Vanessa's skin, skin like cinnamon and eyes like green flecked gold that made his words flow fast and smooth. Then it was Serena, with her bubbly laugh, and long locks of gold.

Lately, however, his once endless well of creativity is as dry and dull as his love life and when Charlie Trout is the most inspiring thing he can write? Well, then Dan knows he needs a vacation. Paris, perhaps. Vienna. Budapest. Montreal, even.

It's the one time- the only time, he envies the Upper East Side prodigies with their trust funds and endless supply of cash. Jets, too.

The world is their oyster and Dan couldn't afford the jet set if he sold his soul to the devil.

So he settles, he supposes. For less- always less, never more. Takes a cup of coffee instead of a month in Tuscany and hopes it will spur those lazy brain cells into action.

_Spotted- Lonely Boy checking out of Starbucks, six and Lexington, staring at his latte like it'll write the great American novel form him. Searching for inspiration at the bottom of a coffee cup? God speed, D. We don't happen to think it will help._

***

Blair's pulling on her heels when her phone buzzes and she scrunches her pretty nose at the update. If the hottest love affair around is Dan Humphrey meets hot beverage than maybe life is getting too boring.

How odd that her reconciliation with Nate was never reported.

Two blocks away and they weren't even hot enough to compete with Cabbage Patch and caffeine?

She's feeling more than usually insulted, so hits the third number on her speed dial (Dorota, of course, takes precedence and Serena is number two).

Nate picks up in two rings.

"Hey, sweetie," she coos into the phone.

"Blair." He sounds sleepy. He would be- it's a Saturday morning and most normal teenagers in their world prefer to lie abed till one at least. Lazing off hangovers most likely.

"I was just wondering when we were going to tell everyone about our reconciliation."

"Oh." The sheets ruffle and she can tell he's sitting up. "I thought you'd told Serena and it would just spread from there."

Blair rolls her eyes. The blonde isn't as big a gossip as Nate makes her out to be.

"Actually, I haven't told anyone yet. I was thinking we'd tell them together. Tomorrow. At brunch."

"That sounds acceptable," concedes her boyfriend, a tad too gracious for someone who wasn't exactly shouting the news off of rooftops himself.

Rooftops. She winces.

Nate seems to read her mind (the morning gets odder by the second)- "Chuck will be there."

She's already made her way down to the street and she slips in her sunglasses and squares her shoulders. "Screw Chuck," she says coolly.

There's a gulp at the other end of the line but before her boyfriend can reply, the line is dead.

None pushed Blair Waldorf's love life in the corner. She sighs and calls a cab.

She's going to cut a bitch.

***

"You slept with Chuck?" He can barely conceal the chagrin in his voice and whatever restraint that prevents him from yelling the question, is lost in his mangled features.

"Yes." Her voice is ashamed, skin red as beetroot and she doesn't even call him out on being judgmental. He has every right to be.

"Why?"

This makes her mad. "How would you feel, Dan? If the person you loved was disappearing into a bedroom with their latest squeeze, moments after the two of you broke up?"

He reaches forward, brushes the tears from her eyes and asks- "you love Nate?"

"I'm in love with Nathaniel Archibald. And I don't think that's going to change."

He staggers at the sadness in her voice.

She is in love with him- and her eyes make it clear that she couldn't imagine a worse fate.

Truthfully? Dan couldn't either.

From that angle, jumping into Chuck Bass' bed almost makes sense.


	3. Le Diable

Author: Sybella

Title: My Heart Broke Lose On the Wind

Character/Pairings: Blair/Dan, Blair/Nate, Nate/Vanessa, Rufus/Lily

Summary: Blair Waldorf thrives best in secret places.

Disclaimer: All the characters are the property of the CW and Cecily. This is merely my own wild imagination.

**Le Diable**

**My Heart Broke Loose On The Wind.**

Vanessa Abrams raising a base ball bat over his head- this isn't Chuck's idea of playing rough.

Unfortunately that's exactly what she did on his next visit, wielded the bat like a weapon, daring him to take a step closer.

"Oh come, now," he coaxed, voice all silky and persuasive, "Surely there is no longer any need to guard your modesty. We both know this morning was-"

THUD.

She whacks his soulder just a little but he winces in pain all the same.

"Chuck,"- with false sweetness, "I'm going to tell you something you probably won't believe but it's true."

He appears to be waiting.

"Nate was better in bed than you are."

Dan chuckles in the back ground and scowling Chuck makes his way of the café. "Watch yourself, Abrams," he hisses and she feigns fear.

She crumbles when he leaves because it's not his fault. Dan wraps an arm around her shoulders and they both pretend everything's ok.

***

His phone rings at night.

"Dan."

Her voice is breathy, sad and sexy all at once and he wonders how Blair Waldorf can be attractive as she wheedles. His knees buckle at "I need you," and he's out the door before she can ask him over.

No subway ride has ever been this long.

***

She's curled up on the divan in her bed room, feet tucked into her small frame and she doesn't get up to greet him.

"Daniel," she murmurs, eyes still fixed to the screen and he bites his lip. She's watching "I love Lucy". It doesn't feel like much of an emergency.

"What's wrong?" She turns towards him at this, offering a glimpse of her tear streaked face and he instantly crossed the room to her side, moving to kneel beside her and gripping her hand when she flinches.

"Blair."

His voice is like honey, like chocolate, like a thousand pretty things she wishes she knew.

"Serena called." Her voice is clipped and formal like his arms not around her shoulders and her head isn't pressed to his chest.

He nods and she looks up at him, all wet eyes and dark curls. "She seemed so upset. She said she needs a lawyer."

Dan's grip loosens. "What?"

"She got married."

"In Italy? Blair, why did you call me?"

Her fingers hook around his neck, cling tighter and she presses her forehead to his. "Because I know you still care about her."

He disentangled himself from the brunette, lest she feel the proof of how much he cared about _her_, through his night dress.

"I'll help. What do you need to be done?"

Bitchy Blair is almost back and she seemed to be assessing how much she could trust him.

"Wait with me. Wait with me, till she calls."

So he does.

***

Three hours later and they're sitting on her bed- he even snuck a foot beneath the duvet that's wrapped around her and she's watching "I Love Lucy" reruns.

"Why is he always so mean to her?" she says so softly that he feels a shiver shake his spine.

"He's an artist. She's too demanding."

She sighs. "Boo. It isn't fair. She's his wife. But he and Fred always want more."

Her voice drags and her head is lumped on his chest like she's sleepy.

"It's just show." He's tired, too. Tired and scared of how good her arms feel wrapped around his waist so he curls closer to her and sniffs the drink on her breath. Why else would Blair Waldorf be cuddling him?

He pads to the door and shuts it. Leans back to the bed to pick up his jacket and checks the phone one more time before leaving.

"Don't go."

Her voice is broken and it brings him back to bed.

Tonight has nothing to with Serena. It's because Bass is an ass and he broke her heart and Nate and Vanessa and everything she can't be with anyone else but him because he already hates her so what does she have to lose?

He takes her into his arm, strokes her hair.

He'll hold her through the night if he has to. It's just the sort of guy he is.


End file.
